is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
