you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
