we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
