SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
