She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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