There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
