I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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