I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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