first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
