May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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