Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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