The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
