it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
