he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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