you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize