How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
