Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
