you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
