drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
