I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
