You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
