I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
