omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
