did you get engaged???
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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