I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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