the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
