Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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