So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
