OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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