Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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