we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize