Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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