I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
