So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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