Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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