"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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