I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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