if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
