Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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