Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
