dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize