so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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