I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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