Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
