I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
