we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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