it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
