I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
