He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
