Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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