Who did Billy Mays play for?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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