and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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