her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
