You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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