Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
