I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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