thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
