Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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