Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think my tv is drunk
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
