Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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