its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Boobs speak an international language.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
