mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
