You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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