Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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