Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
