Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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