I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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