my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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