I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my shit smells like andre
Sober January is a disaster.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
