I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
