Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
