I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
