i used baking grease as lip gloss
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize