i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
